Maps are wonderful tools used for locating your direction. The path is marked for you. It seems clear.
But what about when you are talking to your teen?
While you are supporting them to find a direction for themselves, they seem to be either ignoring you, or screaming at you. These times can make you want to throw up your hands and quit. Try some of these ideas instead:
1. Start all interactions with understanding – even if you don’t agree with what they are talking about. Say,” I understand how difficult it is for you……..” NOT “I understand, BUT……..” You don’t want them to feel they have to defend themselves against you.
2. Take emotions out of the situation. What your teen says or does is not a reflection on you. They may be making a poor choice, but they might not yet have the skill set to make a better one. It is your job as a parent to help guide, direct and train them to find and make better choices.
3. Ask curious questions….not loaded ones. Your goal is to help them think for themselves, weigh their options, and find their direction. Ask your teen for their input. Discuss the pros and cons of each idea. Help your teen come to a decision that will be the best choice for them.
4. Be the parent your teen needs. Controlling and manipulation only makes your teen defiant or passively compliant. If your teen is acting out, that’s their problem. Your reaction to their behavior is up to you. If they are screaming at you, walk away and do not engage. They will have no one to resist, and will have to wrestle with themselves rather than you. Give them time to recompose themselves.
5. Try again. Avoid any additional conflict until you are both calm. Then try the conversation again.
No one ever said parenting was easy. The good news is that the more you refuse to engage in poor behaviors with your teens, the easier it will be to learn to support the positive behaviors you want to see, as they transition to adulthood.
If you know of someone who could use our services, please contact us. We work with families all over the United States. Our initial consultation is free and without obligation. We would love to speak with you!
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